We have some big changes taking place in our family over the coming weeks. Not only are we are coming to the end of the school year but it's the end of primary school for my eldest. I have to be honest I don't think I'm ready. He on the other hand has had a great time at primary is completely ready for this next stage in his life.
Last week, as I dropped him off for his secondary school taster day, I found myself saying as he went in "Good luck and have fun!"
Upon reflection it wasn't the best thing to say.
I say luck a lot, it's a habit. One that has been with me since childhood. My Mum and my Aunt were always saying things like, good luck, touch wood and fingers crossed. These phrases have suck with me and pop out from time to time.
Do you have any phrases like this that you often say without giving much thought to?
So you're probably wondering what on earth is wrong with wishing your child good luck when they go into a new school environment.
Well here's the thing.
Superstitious phrases, those things that determine your luck actually create anxiety and stress.
I know they seem so harmless dont they.
Let me explain a bit more.
You might be thinking that "reading your horoscopes doesn't do harm, or there's nothing negative about believing in fate"
I'm afraid not. The thing is these disempowering phrases, thoughts, actions and beliefs often get said and how detrimental they are to your personal power goes unnoticed. Every single external belief you hold is disempowering you in some way, shape or form.
Every thought you hold on to about fate, luck and chance, 'magical' influences or treatments, social pressures the influence of your past experiences, your lack of skills and such like all make you feel a little less powerful in some way or other.
Every belief you hold to be true about ghosts, life after death, mediums, fate, synchronicity, magic, playing the lottery and so on, has a significant impact on how much personal power you have.
And can actually cause you more harm than good.
When you allow yourself to believe in superstitions you are basically allowing yourself to believe that areas of your life are being controlled by magical forces outside of you.
Now, here's some basic psychology, in any given situation the amount of anxiety and stress we feel depends on the amount of personal control we feel we have over it!
Think about this, do you really think that believing that whether you are going to have a good or bad day is down to a number, a black cat, a magpie, a piece of wood or a bird poo-ing on your head etc. Or anything or anyone else for that matter, is a good thing?
Or would you rather believe whether you are going to have a good or bad day depends on the effort you put into it - it's something you can directly influence?
This topic was a huge for one for one of my clients this week. So much so we came up with list of old sayings, superstitions and actions that are disempowering. I also asked members of our community to join in with making this list too and this is what we collectively came up with:
- Baby should not look in a mirror for first year.
- Buying a pram/cot and having in house b4 baby is bad luck.
- Black cat crossing your path.
- Don’t walk under ladders.
- Don’t step on cracks.
- No new shoes on a table.
- Don’t put a Brolly up inside.
- If you put a piece of clothing on accidentally inside out u will have good luck but don’t change it to the correct way as u will change ur good luck to bad luck.
- Don't put your umbrella up indoors cos you'll make it rain.
- Never put shoes/slippers on table as it can cause bad luck.
- Never put your purse on the floor. You'll loose money.
- Don't walk under ladder.
- Always go out the same door you came in as it’s bad luck not to.
- Don't cross on the stairs.
- Breaking a mirror gives you 7 years bad luck.
- Bad events happen in threes.
- Don’t put the chair back under the table when you visit a friend or you won’t return .
- There’s one about seeing magpies. It is unlucky to see a lone magpie. There is a rhyme ‘one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret to never be told’.
- Friday 13th is unlucky.
- Don’t let a black cat cross your path.
- Getting married in the rain is supposed to be lucky and a good omen.
- Bad luck comes in threes.
U have to break a match to break a cycle of bad luck
- Don’t cut your nails on a Sunday.
- Eating crust will put hairs on ur chest or give ur curly hair.
- If you drop a knife you should never pick it up yourself again it's bad luck - someone else must pick it up.
- You should never give someone an empty purse always place a piece of silver in it that they should never spend and also you should never buy your own purse/wallet.
- Don’t we’re green to a wedding or the marriage won’t last .
- Never cast a clout till May is out.
- If a bird poops on your head you'll have good luck all day.
Fantastic list I'm sure you'll agree and reading through them reminds me of listening to my elder relatives as a child. Whist they feel harmless, what they actually do, if you take them as words to live by, is leave you feeling out of control of your own life.
Another more fashionable example of superstitious behaviour would be to ask the universe for something ... this is an incredibly disempowering magical belief.
Can you see why?
Which reminds me of client I once had. She had a pair of unlucky socks that she always wore on a certain day of the week. She told me this particular day was always stressful, her (unlucky) socks were believed to be the trigger. Of course the socks had nothing to do with it, it was the association she made between the sock, her thoughts, her emotions, her behaviours and her outcomes that made the day difficult.
You only need to think a thought for a second time for you to believe it to be a personal truth.
If you want to release luck from your life and build up your personal power in pregnancy, birth and motherhood start by focusing on what you can directly influence in your own life for the better.
What superstitions do you live your life by?
As always I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and if you have any questions on how to resolve your levels of anxiety, stress, fears or phobias simply email me email@example.com and we'll arrange a time to chat.